Neil's reaction was more intense than I anticipated, so I took a moment, hoping his temper would cool down a bit before I continued.
But he turned on his heel, making a beeline for the door.
"Neil!" I called out, springing to my feet and following him.
I had decided that if I was going to spill everything, I had to lay it all out on the table. Keeping things half-hidden was just too suffocating.
Neil, with his long strides and a storm brewing within, was walking fast, almost forcing me to jog to catch up with him. I managed to get into the passenger seat of his car as he started the engine, his face a mask of anger and frustration.
"I haven’t even gotten mad yet, what's got you all fired up?" I couldn't help but find the situation somewhat amusing, so I asked.
"If what you're telling me is true, I can't forgive myself, you know?" Neil finally turned to look at me, his eyes rimmed red, as if he was holding back tears.
My heart twinged at the sight. I should feel triumphant, knowing he understood what had transpired in my past life, and that he was tormented and regretful over things he couldn’t change. Wasn't this the outcome I had desired?
But what was the point of this endless cycle of vengeance? When I finally got what I wanted, it didn’t bring me any joy.
I sighed, “That was all in my past life, Neil. Sometimes, I feel like you’re the same person, but then it feels like you’re not. It’s confusing. Who are you really?”
Was my past life the cause and this life the effect? That didn’t seem right.
So, were my past life and this life unrelated? That didn’t seem right either.
Neil was still Neil, but his actions were radically different, preventing me from dealing with him with the same mindset I had in my past life, which sometimes left me feeling lost and unsure.
It was like waking from a nightmare, still feeling the terror and pain, but unable to treat the people in your current life based on what happened in a dream.
"What if you hadn’t been reborn? Would everything have gone down the path you mentioned?" Neil's voice was shaky.
"Yeah, entangled till now, I probably would have been long gone," I responded with a smile.
A tear rolled down Neil's cheek as he trembled slightly, then fell silent.
This was the first time I had seen him this openly distressed. Even through all the ups and downs we had weathered, I had never seen this side of him. I watched him quietly, unsure how to offer comfort. After all, I was the one who had been reborn, not him. I couldn't expect him to adjust his mindset like I had.
Time seemed to stand still as Neil finally appeared to calm down a bit. He looked utterly drained, a weariness that seemed to sap his very essence.
I let him rest in his seat while I pondered over how to broach the subject of our child with him.
The main reason I had chosen to share the secret of my rebirth with him was largely because of our child. I admit, it was selfish. I wanted to leverage this to make Neil feel immensely guilty and emotionally vulnerable, hoping he would then give up the child.
This response seemed to hit Neil even harder, his smile vanishing, replaced by a stiff expression.
Suddenly, he seemed to remember something, asking, “Am I the only one who knows about your rebirth?”
“Yes, you’re the only one,” I confirmed, having kept this secret from everyone else, including my closest friends and family.
“So your closeness with Russel in this life, it’s because of your past life? Not because you have feelings for him?” Even now, Neil was fixated on this, which made me unsure whether to laugh or sigh.
“My feelings for him are purely platonic," I explained. "In my past life, he was my ally. When I was sick, he went out of his way to find treatment for me. He was there for me even in my final moments. I’m just grateful, and I don’t want him to make the same mistakes.”
“What mistakes?” Neil caught on to a particular detail, his brows furrowing.
I was just telling him about stuff from my past life, all about what happened between us and didn't even bring up Russel. But since he wanted to know, I decided to spill the beans, including how they both fought over a girl like it was some high-stakes drama, way more intense than anything in this life. After all, I've been dodging that whole mess this time around.
Back in my past life, Bonnie decided to just stand by, watching them turn from friends to foes over her.
I sighed, "He probably got to know Bonnie through you. Then, before anyone realized it, he started falling for her too. Your family wasn't keen on you two being together at the start, right? So, Bonnie was hurt, feeling all sad and wronged. Russel saw all of that, started feeling sorry for her, and then... well, things escalated."
It felt like a plot straight out of a soap opera, the kind where love and loyalty got all tangled up. But laying it all out like that, it seemed even more convoluted, like a Shakespearean drama set in a modern suburb, complete with backyard barbecues and neighborhood gossip.
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