What did I just do?
Athena asked herself for the third time as she stood naked before the bathroom mirror, hands limp by her sides, her eyes shrouded in untamed misery.
Bathed in the glow of the fluorescent lights, she believed she had made a hasty, wrong decision an hour ago—blinded by her desire to be distracted.
Why did love make a mess of things? She wondered, picking up her toothbrush.
How could she be a strong woman in her career, in her non-romantic affairs—a model of excellence and woman power—and yet not stick to her decision of needing space from sex and the matters that went with it?
Why had she turned to it when swamped with frustrations? Why had she used Antonio?
She brushed her teeth forlornly, remembering the moment with Antonio. She wasn’t sure what to think of it.
He had finished early—so excited had he been at the reality presented to him on a platform of gold that he had finished early. Barely five minutes in.
He had apologised profusely for it after coming down from the high, promising it would be better the second time. But in the time it took him to prop himself up and get ready again, she had lost the zeal for it—had started questioning her stupid choice.
She didn’t stop him, though, when he eased into her the second time. No—she accepted it, needing to throw away the distractions that had threatened to swamp her in multiplied folds.
She recalled the sex.
It was... not bad.
Antonio was a good lover. She was the one at fault, with her comparing his thrusts, his agility, to a certain someone.
Maybe that was why it had taken longer than necessary for her to reach the high Antonio seemed to have settled into permanently during the exercise.
Touching her had seemed to be enough for him—enough to throw him over.
She rinsed her mouth a second time, dropped her brush, and walked into the shower room.
Standing under the spray, she exhaled greatly after a long inhale, shaking her head, hands still limp at her sides.
What did I just do? And why in the world am I getting teary?
She touched her eyes, wiping at them furiously. No tears! she screamed mentally, but that only served to loosen the dam.
If she hadn’t been celibate since her separation from Ewan years ago, she would have thought herself pregnant, with the abrupt surge of emotion.
But she was not.
Maybe her period was on its way, she decided—inhale, puff of air—and started washing herself.
She didn’t think Antonio would be glad to find her here, after all she had told him she had no strength to use the bathroom when they were done. He would know it was a lie if he saw her now—slipping away only once he was asleep.
Yet could he blame her?
Luckily, when she left the bathroom, Antonio was still asleep.
In the dimly lit room, he looked peaceful, like a baby. Handsome. Her boyfriend.
It didn’t sound bad. She was just too stupid to appreciate the good in front of her.
Gently, she picked nightwear from her wardrobe and slipped into it smoothly, making a mental note to drop by the pharmacy and get a morning-after pill.
The matter had happened unplanned—seconded by Antonio’s inability to pull out quickly, out of sheer excitement.
Athena shook her head, breaking out of her mental narration. Love and sex really did make a mess of things. How else would you explain a doctor being in this situation?
Taking a last glance at the sleeping Antonio, she stalked out of the room and headed to her children’s room.
At the door, she stopped when she heard voices inside.
A sigh. A shake of the head. She tried to open the door. Locked.
What the—?
"Nathaniel..." she whispered, cutting short the cussing. Were her children safe?
"Mom..." she heard, right before the lock clicked and she was pulled inside the room—or rather, she went willingly with the soft drag.
"Why are you both still awake?" she started, seeing Kathleen hanging by the wardrobe, a dress in her hand. What was going on?
She looked at the teddy bear clock on the wall opposite their beds. Midnight. She placed her hands on her waist and gave them a withering glare.
"Nathaniel and Kathleen Caddels. Why are you two awake?"
The two guilty-as-charged children came before her, hands crossed at their backs, heads lowered. "We are sorry, Mom," they echoed at the same time.
"That’s not the answer to my question." Athena wouldn’t let herself be bought by their puppy faces. She hated them staying up late—it didn’t matter that it was the weekend.
"We were just excited. Couldn’t sleep. Aunt Chelsea read us some books, we pretended to be asleep because she was tired..."
"Already dozing off too. We had to release her," Nathaniel added, completing his sister’s statement.
Father meant Ewan, Athena thought, hands falling limply to her sides. "An outing? Why am I not aware of this?"
Daddy? Ewan had finally gotten Kathee besotted with him, Athena thought lamely, holding in a scoff.
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