Begin Again novel Chapter 20

Liam sat in his therapist's office in downtown Rock Castle, and seriously contemplated his relationship with her. It was clear, after two years and endless therapy sessions, they'd exhausted all options.

"You said you could fix me," he reminded her as he watched a guy tee off on the rooftop of the building across. His posture and the way he held the golf club was all wrong, and Liam had an uncontrollable urge to fly through the window and show him how it's done. Golf wasn't a sport you played half-assed. Your form has to be perfect; otherwise, you were ruining the classic image of the game.

"Liam, we've talked about this," Linda said patiently in her monotone voice. It helped calm restless, agitated patients most days. He was agitated and restless today. But no amount of coddling from her could soothe him.

He reluctantly returned his attention to the room.

Dr Linda Swartz did not believe in a life of excess. It showed in the minimalist, monochrome way she'd furnished her corner office on the fifth floor of Medical Mews, a six-story glass and chrome building which housed numerous doctors of various expertise.

Somewhere in here, Liam remembered seeing something about a plastic surgeon. Maybe it was time he popped by his floor. If he can give people fake boobs, six pecks and butt lifts, his little problem should be a small feat for the renowned surgeon. Surely Dr Paul Reiner can fix him.

"Unless you confront the root cause of the problem, your fear of intimacy will continue to persist."

"Are you even listening to me?" Liam expelled a long frustrated breath. "I don't have a fear of intimacy!"

Laura would disagree, though. He wanted to have sex with her. But every time it came down to crunch time, he just couldn't get aroused, physically or emotionally.

"Maybe you can refer me to someone?" Liam suggested. It was evident talking about the problem wasn't working.

"We've tried that." Linda's eyes clouded with sympathy Liam knew she didn't feel. How could she understand his feelings of overwhelming, crushing defeat every time he wanted to perform and he couldn't? Linda wasn't a guy. She didn't have erectile dysfunction and a girlfriend who constantly fought with her with because her needs were not being met.

But she was right. Consulting various experts and countless urologists is all he's done these last two years. All ten or so renowned doctors in their fields couldn't help him. Not one of them had a cure. And they'd all assured him his equipment was in good working condition; there was absolutely no reason he couldn't get it up.

"Your trauma is linked to your experience with her," Linda explained as she always does. "Seeing her, talking to her, confronting her might be the key to help you move past everything that's holding you back."

Liam sighed and checked his Rolex. An hour of his life gone, and he was still no closer to getting real help.

As he stood up and buttoned up his suit jacket, he wondered how many hours he'd wasted with Linda and how much more money she still planned to steal from him only to dish out the same piece of advice every time they met.

She got on her feet as well, and left the room to make sure the floor was clear. Nobody knew he was seeing a therapist, not his friends, business acquaintances and certainly not his parents. Her reception area had to be empty for his arrival and departure. There's nothing more vulnerable than a CEO with perceived mental health issues. If the board found out and if word got out, the media would have a field day. There was no such thing as 'any publicity is good publicity' for Anderson Logistics. Bad publicity was terrible for business and share prices.

"It's clear," Linda smiled and held the door for him.

"Same time next week," Liam gave her a curt nod as he brushed past her and his security detail whisked him off in the service elevator to the dark SUV waiting at the entrance.